You can pretty much find anything in the world at a flea market. No, seriously. Fruit, antiques, sunglasses, furniture, those sequined, mesh slippers people went crazy over a few years back, garnet colored dragon statues, velvet art, leather chaps - anything.
But I think what my sister got today really takes the weirdo cake.
So, this afternoon I'm in the dining room ironing my striped button-down shirt for the week, when I hear the phone ring and my mom answer. It's my sister on the other line. She wants to know how to cook pizza dough, because she and her boyfriend bought a fresh pineapple from the flea market and are really hankering for some Hawaiian pizza.
My ever-knowledgeable mother reaches back into her Google-like mind and effortlessly delivers the answer. Then she asks my sister what else she got that day. This is the side of the conversation that I heard:
Mom: "So what else did you get at the flea market?
Uh-huh.
You got what?
Don't bring that in the house.
No, I'm telling you, do not bring that in this house.
Lorah, do not bring it in the house. I know you promise me things sometimes just to shut me up but do NOT bring that in my house.
No you will not do that. It isn't funny.
If you bring it in the house I will kick you out.
No I am not kidding.
I'm serious. DO NOT BRING THAT IN THE HOUSE.
Okay? Okay. I don't care, but do NOT bring it home.
I don't know, dump it in a graveyard or on some sanctified ground.
Okay. Mhm. Okay! Well, I've got to go make dinner. Enjoy your pizza!"
I'm sure you're wondering just as I was what in the HELL they could be talking about. At first I was convinced it was a mouse. Then I figured a snake (my mom wouldn't threaten banishment for just anything). But the graveyard bit completely threw me. What the mother could it be???
When my mom got off the phone I asked what that was all about, but she just told me I didn't want to know. Ha! Of course I do.
"Okay. Fine. I'll tell you. Apparently there was this woman at the flea market with all these t-shirts with skulls and stuff on them, and your sister wanted to buy one. The woman also was selling what looked like bags of dirt. So your sister bought a shirt, and the lady threw in a bag of dirt for free. It turns out this bag of dirt is, well, it's...
...it's dirt from a vampire's grave in Rhode Island...
...and your sister thought it'd be funny to put it in your bed."
Oh, what a sweet and darling sister I have!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
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HAHAHAHAHA I legit laughed out loud at that one. Definitely caught me by surprise - I didn't know what the hell she bought either, hahahaha what the frig.
ReplyDeleteI mean, granted, it's probably only dirt from the lady's backyard, but still. Had I purchased a shirt and then she threw in the bag o' dirt for free and told me THAT story, I probably would've said, "I'm just not really in the market for vampire grave dirt right now. I mean, it would just totally clash with my white, minimalist interior. And all the crosses and garlic. But thanks anyway!"
ReplyDeleteAHAHHAHAHAA Amaaazzzinnggg. I was scared you were going to say she bought human remains, like ashes, but that is even better for the punch line, oh my goodness Lorah!
ReplyDeleteSeriously! Who does that?! I'm pretty sure she got rid of it somewhere. It THANKFULLY hasn't turned up in my bed, anyway!
ReplyDelete