Moderately Embarrassing Moments: Shoe Fly Don't Bother Me

We've all seen it (in movies, if not in real life). Someone emerges from the bathroom, only to have a tail of toilet paper stuck to their foot and trailing behind them. Laughter erupts and they end up scarred for life, never using a public restroom again and thusly giving themselves some sort of bladder disease.

It's terrible. It's a thing none of us wants to happen to ourselves.

Luckily, that is not what happened to me. No. What did happened, was that today I decided to wear these red flats I probably haven't worn in over a year.This was not a problem by itself. What was a problem, was that I wore them with my compression stockings (if there was any doubt in your mind that I might not be the coolest 24 year old in the world, let that thought be banished! I have tipped the 'cool scale' in my favor! Winning!), and now my shoes are continually falling off my feet, forcing me to shuffle around like an 89 year old. Which, of course, made me realize that perhaps the elderly aren't really slow. Maybe they just can't keep their shoes on their slippery-stockinged feet! Epiphany! I will never get frustrated with a slower-than-molasses-in-January shuffler again! I feel for them, I do.

Anyway, to remedy this I decided to stuff. My shoes. Not my bra. Though, I suppose that would work too, because who here at work would be looking at my shuffling feet when BAM I grew big boobs over night? And who could blame them for staring? Surely not I.

This plan backfired, however, much in the way that stuffing ones bra might.One of the tissues in my shoe made a break for it, and was hanging, flapping around outside my shoe, like it was screaming for help. Kind of like in those movies when someone gets kidnapped, shoved in a trunk, and then kicks out the taillight and starts waving their arm out the hole in an attempt to get someones attention that, "Hey! I'm in a  trunk! This is displeasing to me! Save me!"

I wave the white tissue of de-feet.

Unfortunately for my tissue, no one saved it. I didn't even notice it until I had walked down a busy hall, through the bustling cafeteria, back down the hall and was almost seated again at my desk. Oh, the horror. I shoved that tissue back into it's synthetic upper prison where it belonged.

I'm sure his escape act didn't go unnoticed. I'm actually fairly sure I saw the janitor looking at my feet, because I remember finding that puzzling at the time, vaguely wondering if he had some sort of foot fetish, and boy, isn't that weird? He probably was actually thinking I was a crazy person, who perhaps had problems with feet sweat and probably also odor.

Which, as you may have guessed, was moderately embarrassing. I'm giving the tissues in my shoes one more chance to behave, and if they fail me again, it's straight to the trash with ye'!