The Lion and The Unicorn Were Fighting For The Crown

I have some things to discuss today. Yes. I know this may shock you, being that it is my third post this week, but hold onto your shorts, because here we go:

1. A mouse ate all my nuts. A mouse ate all my nuts at WORK. In an OFFICE BUILDING. No one is safe. Especially not if you're an unopened bag of pistachios, or full baggie of almonds (which I had spent several days and a bit of effort soaking and drying):

Now what am I going to snack on??

2. Going to the bathroom at work. It's like a hidden, mini-social interaction minefield. Let's say you walk into the bathroom with, or right behind/in front of someone you know. You exchange pleasantries and then get on with the business you came to do. But what if, what if they continue talking to you from within the sacred privacy confines of the stall?? And what if you aren't the only people in there? What can you even talk about with someone while they're eliminating? What are the appropriate conversation topics in that scenario? "Wow, that's yellow today!" or "How about that conference call, eh?" No. You cannot change the fact that both of you are squatting and peeing or lord know what else, by the forced formality of talking about work. Just because they're both 'business' doesn't mean they belong together. And what if, GASP, one of you let's out a honker of a gas effusion?? SOEMBARRASINGPLEASELETMEDIENOW! I fully believe all communication should cease when one enters the four walls of bathroom serenity. It's like a church. Or library. Only very different.

Then, what happens when you're at the sink with someone, washing your hands? If you know them, they strike up some small talk with you. My problem here is where does one look when responding? Do I turn slightly and look directly at the person? Or do I talk to their reflection? I always get the answer wrong. I turn and talk to the person, and they continue to talk to my reflection, thus, neither of us ends up making eye contact making the whole ordeal rather awkward. More awkward than small talk is usually, which is really saying something.

3. I have decided to be less of an old lady. It will be a challenge no doubt, but one worth fighting for. For instance, my friend texted me saying her friends are going to a hibachi place tonight and would I like to come?

Instant old lady reaction: "What?! But I have to pack tonight! I'm going to the Cape tomorrow night, so I need my sleep, and to pack, and who has time for that nonsense?!"

Secondary young person seedling reaction: "Ooh, I love this friend, and foood, I love food! I like people! Let's meet new people! You can do both! Come oooon! Let's have fun!"

Then old-lady me scowled her wrinkly face at young-person seedling me, and went, "Humph!" in a resigned sort of fashion. And young seedling me did a happy dance.

I must water and nourish young-person seedling me, so that she may grow and blossom, and old-lady me will shrivel up and blow away in the wind! Of course, old-lady me won't go without a fight. She's cantankerous that way. And also throws a mean cane punch.

Or, in my case, the blue-hair and the partyer