Noob Hat of Shame

I'd like to introduce you to an "award" my friends and I have created and passed down among us.

The noob hat:

This is not me. Those are, however, my strangle hands.

Noob, the definition (courtesy of Wikipedia): Newbie or Noob is a slang term for a novice or newcomer, or somebody inexperienced in any profession or activity.

In our circle we use it to describe when someone does something particularly foolish, weird, or completely lacking in common sense.

While that isn't me in the picture, I too have had my turn in the noob hat. And while I'd rather tell you about my friends and their embarrassing noob nominations, I feel it's only fair to divulge my noob shame story.

It's a bit of a doosey.

At least, I think it is. Which may directly relate to the fact that it happened to me. Or rather, that I did this to myself.

Okay. Here goes...

My friend, who happens to be one of my three!! (three!!) readers*, had to go home from college our senior year for a bit in order to have her wisdom teeth forcibly removed from her jaw. I'm not entirely sure what was going on at the time, but we decided we missed her enough to skype her.

I was in my room when the skype session began in a room across the hall from mine. I remember running in and three or four of us huddled around the computer screen/web cam in order to see and be seen.

I've never been much of a listener, and I have always had a filthy foul mouth, which, as you can imagine, is not a particularly desirable combination. I see that my friend on the computer screen, skyping from her home (this should've been my first clue to keep it canned), is saying something. I can't really make it out and don't try. One of my friends in the huddle asks, "How many did they take out?"

Me, being the smart, nay, fool-ass that I am, shout, "All of 'em!!! So now she can give a better blow job by gumming it!! HAHAHA"

Laughter erupts.

"Uhm, Sarah? Her family's right there with her...in the room...and can hear us."

PANIC. FEAR. FIGHT OR FLIGHT!

I choose flight. Naturally. Fight wouldn't be particularly effective in this situation, and probably would've made things that much worse had I just started beating on one of my friends for no reason.

 I RUN out of there, slamming the door in my wake, like perhaps this sudden movement and sharp sound will erase all memory of this incident and undo the damamging image I have left burned of myself in her family's minds.

It doesn't.

Sigh.

So, for announcing to her entire family over the interwebs that she had all her teeth removed in order to give better blow jobs, I was knighted Noob of the Week. Rightfully, if not somewhat painfully, so.

Later, said friend told me her family thought it was funny. I find this hard to believe, though I have since visited this friend's home (with her family, like, in it), and no one cracked up laughing or recoiled in disgust. I truly hope they have absolutely no idea it was me, but am secretly terrified they silently judge me anytime we're in close proximity. Or, like, my name comes up in conversation. Which it is often bound to as I am otherwise very awesome and discussable.

Okay, so basically I just confessed all of that because I'm thinking I might have a "Noob of the Week" segment on here. It will be done mostly lovingly, as we only ever called each other a noob as a term of endearment. And also because I don't like being mean. But still. Sometimes you act like a noob and ya gotta be called on it. Noobing keeps you humble.

And hopefully teaches you to stfu on occasion.

This is me.

*She did not answer me as to whether she'd prefer I used a nickname or if her real name is fine. As such, I have given you a hint, but left out her name. Can you tell which of my numerous readers she is?? tee-hee!