Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
It's Not You, Ryan Gosling, It's Me...
I love Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling. Whoever created this is a wonderful human being. It's really terrible, though, because now, were I ever to date Ryan Gosling, I would expect him to say these things to me. And he won't. And I will be sad. And our relationship will fall apart.
Which is why I'm going to preemptively say this: Ryan, I don't think things are going to work out between us. I know. It hurts my heart too. This is for the best, though. I'm sorry. I'll never forget the time we almost shared together.
You'll always be the one that stayed away.
Which is why I'm going to preemptively say this: Ryan, I don't think things are going to work out between us. I know. It hurts my heart too. This is for the best, though. I'm sorry. I'll never forget the time we almost shared together.
You'll always be the one that stayed away.
Awkward Bathroom Experiences: She Got Dumped (And Not Like That)
Yesterday at work I went to the bathroom to do some business. I swear, this isn't going to be graphic or TMI. I promise.
I usually use the handicapped stall because it's big, it has it's own trash, sink and the best hand soap in the building. This time I did not, as it was currently occupied...by two people. Oh dear. This sure isn't awkward or anything...
I really needed to make use of the facilities, so I stayed despite the weirdness. The two women were talking. Well, one was talking, the other was sobbing. Apparently sobberella had just been dumped by her boyfriend. Comforting friend was trying to make her feel better in all the usual ways, "You'll get over this, you are SO much better off, he's an ass!" He probably is an ass, but I really don't need to hear about it. Sobberella sobbed on.
So, here I am in the bathroom, trying to take care of my bidness, overhearing a very personal conversation and massive amount of sobbing and gurgled, muffled responses. This is the most awkward bathroom experience I have ever had, even worse than hearing a woman using the stall next to me have a conversation on the phone...about how much something hurts. Use your imagination.
People, let's stop using bathroom stalls like they're some sound-proof box of invisibility. They aren't! If you cannot keep yourself together after a break-up, maybe you should consider taking a personal day. If you need to gab to your friend about how much something on your person hurts, may I suggest waiting until lunch or after hours to make this call privately from your car or home?
I'm just sayin', there are other options besides making everyone in your vicinity feel more uncomfortable than they probably already do when using a public restroom. Seriously. Consider shutting the eff up. We will all appreciate it.
I usually use the handicapped stall because it's big, it has it's own trash, sink and the best hand soap in the building. This time I did not, as it was currently occupied...by two people. Oh dear. This sure isn't awkward or anything...
I really needed to make use of the facilities, so I stayed despite the weirdness. The two women were talking. Well, one was talking, the other was sobbing. Apparently sobberella had just been dumped by her boyfriend. Comforting friend was trying to make her feel better in all the usual ways, "You'll get over this, you are SO much better off, he's an ass!" He probably is an ass, but I really don't need to hear about it. Sobberella sobbed on.
So, here I am in the bathroom, trying to take care of my bidness, overhearing a very personal conversation and massive amount of sobbing and gurgled, muffled responses. This is the most awkward bathroom experience I have ever had, even worse than hearing a woman using the stall next to me have a conversation on the phone...about how much something hurts. Use your imagination.
People, let's stop using bathroom stalls like they're some sound-proof box of invisibility. They aren't! If you cannot keep yourself together after a break-up, maybe you should consider taking a personal day. If you need to gab to your friend about how much something on your person hurts, may I suggest waiting until lunch or after hours to make this call privately from your car or home?
I'm just sayin', there are other options besides making everyone in your vicinity feel more uncomfortable than they probably already do when using a public restroom. Seriously. Consider shutting the eff up. We will all appreciate it.
Monday, December 13, 2010
USP.S. Oops! We Lost Your Package!
I ordered my mother's Christmas gift off of Amazon, and at first was disappointed to discover it wouldn't arrive until after Christmas. So, technically, I ordered my mother's after-Christmas present from Amazon. Still, I was excited. I was even more excited when they emailed me to tell me it'd be arriving by December 9th!
Huzzah!
I, of course, took to tracking this package with much glee and celebration! It left it's home in New Hampshire on the 6th, and made it to the town next to mine on the 7th! It looked as if I may get it even before the 9th! Yippity-doo!
This, however, is when I lost the package's trail. It was scanned for departure from the town immediately next to mine on December 7th, at 09:02:18 AM. Then? Then an "Arrival Scan" is logged, location unknown, December 7th, at 10:32:00 AM.
I am led to believe the location of this "arrival scan" of which they speak, is the post office in my town. If this is true, where the crap-ass is my package?? Post Office, you received it the SEVENTH. It is now the THIRTEENTH. How does this make sense to you? There wasn't a holiday in between that would delay my package's arrival. We also live in the same town. We have gotten mail every day (excluding Sunday) since.
I have concocted several scenarios that could explain this missing package.
1. My town's Post Officer has kept it for himself, as he is surely a dastardly fiend.
2. My Post Person (can someone be a post person? are we ever pre-people? think about that) got into a terrifying accident before reaching my abode, and is now out in the wilderness fighting for her life against all odds and also fisher cats.
3. As my Post Person was about to place my package in my mailbox, she and her Post Official vehicle were abducted by aliens. These aliens really like Glee, Season 1.
4. My arch nemesis has taken control of the Post Office and is ceasing to deliver my packages. I envision them laughing maniacally while selling stamps. Evil!
5. My local post office is full of fools.
6. My house and mailbox have been caught in some sort of wrinkle in time.
7. The Universe is having a good joke. On me.
So, whatever has delayed it, it appears this present may be an after-Christmas present after all. If the aliens are done with season 1 by then...
Huzzah!
I, of course, took to tracking this package with much glee and celebration! It left it's home in New Hampshire on the 6th, and made it to the town next to mine on the 7th! It looked as if I may get it even before the 9th! Yippity-doo!
This, however, is when I lost the package's trail. It was scanned for departure from the town immediately next to mine on December 7th, at 09:02:18 AM. Then? Then an "Arrival Scan" is logged, location unknown, December 7th, at 10:32:00 AM.
I am led to believe the location of this "arrival scan" of which they speak, is the post office in my town. If this is true, where the crap-ass is my package?? Post Office, you received it the SEVENTH. It is now the THIRTEENTH. How does this make sense to you? There wasn't a holiday in between that would delay my package's arrival. We also live in the same town. We have gotten mail every day (excluding Sunday) since.
I have concocted several scenarios that could explain this missing package.
1. My town's Post Officer has kept it for himself, as he is surely a dastardly fiend.
2. My Post Person (can someone be a post person? are we ever pre-people? think about that) got into a terrifying accident before reaching my abode, and is now out in the wilderness fighting for her life against all odds and also fisher cats.
3. As my Post Person was about to place my package in my mailbox, she and her Post Official vehicle were abducted by aliens. These aliens really like Glee, Season 1.
4. My arch nemesis has taken control of the Post Office and is ceasing to deliver my packages. I envision them laughing maniacally while selling stamps. Evil!
5. My local post office is full of fools.
6. My house and mailbox have been caught in some sort of wrinkle in time.
7. The Universe is having a good joke. On me.
So, whatever has delayed it, it appears this present may be an after-Christmas present after all. If the aliens are done with season 1 by then...
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Genes Don't Count For Much, Right?
My Pepere had surgery on his eye yesterday. My mom called my Aunt's house where he's staying while mending, and asked to talk to the pirate. After finishing their conversation, my Aunt got on the phone and asked my mom how Pepere sounded.
"Good? He faded out a couple of times, but good. Why?"
"He was holding the phone upside down!"
This from the man who also tried to change TV channels with a calculator.
My future, coupled with the rate at which technology is advancing, is looking rather grim. But, it should be pretty interesting for everyone else.
"Good? He faded out a couple of times, but good. Why?"
"He was holding the phone upside down!"
This from the man who also tried to change TV channels with a calculator.
My future, coupled with the rate at which technology is advancing, is looking rather grim. But, it should be pretty interesting for everyone else.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
This is How We Do it: Christmas Music (if it were up to me)
My favorite Christmas albums in existence, the standard to which I hold all others, are the A Very Special Christmas albums. Seriously. They're spectacular. There are, apparently, seven. We only own four of them - the first three, then the fifth in the series. I found this suprising, and so I did a little research to understand why these aren't already a classic in our home.
First, let me tell you, you haven't heard Christmas music until you hear these albums. At least the first 3, for sure, but we'll get to that later. Let's start at the beginning...
A Very Special Christmas (1987) Clearly it must be good, everything made that year was perfection. Ahem...
If the fact that the CDs were created in order to benefit the Special Olympics, and that the cover art was designed by Keith Haring doesn't convince you of it's epicness, then take a gander below. The track listing goes a little somthing like this:
1. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" - The Pointer Sisters
2. "Winter Wonderland" - Eurythmics
3. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" - Whitney Houston
4. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
5. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - The Pretenders
6. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - John Cougar Mellencamp
7. "Gabriel's Message" - Sting
8. "Christmas in Hollis" - Run–D.M.C.
9. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - U2
10. "Santa Baby" - Madonna
11. "The Little Drummer Boy" - Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
12. "Run Rudolph Run" - Bryan Adams
13. "Back Door Santa" - Bon Jovi
14. "The Coventry Carol" - Alison Moyet
15. "Silent Night" - Stevie Nicks
I don't think any more needs to be said. This line up is killer. And I don't even like Bon Jovi, so that's really saying something.
A Very Special Christmas 2 (1992)
1. "Christmas All Over Again" - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Randy Travis
3. "The Christmas Song" - Luther Vandross
4. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" - Frank Sinatra/Cyndi Lauper
5. "The Birth of Christ" - Boyz II Men
6. "Please Come Home for Christmas" - Jon Bon Jovi
7. "What Christmas Means to Me" - Paul Young
8. "O Christmas Tree" - Aretha Franklin
9. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Ronnie Spector/Darlene Love
10. "White Christmas" - Michael Bolton
11. "Christmas Is" - Run–D.M.C.
12. "Christmas Time Again" - Extreme
13. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Bonnie Raitt and Charles Brown
14. "O Holy Night" - Tevin Campbell
15. "Sleigh Ride" - Debbie Gibson
16. "What Child Is This?" - Vanessa Williams
17. "Blue Christmas" - Ann & Nancy Wilson
18. "Silent Night" - Wilson Phillips
19. "I Believe in You" - Sinéad O'Connor
Ok, so after copy-pasting the track listing, I suddenly realized...I don't think we have this one! This is wrong and must be righted immediately! Or, if we do own it, I need to listen to it on replay until it's ingrained on my mind and heart permanently, like sharpie on a drunken, passed-out frat boy.
A Very Special Christmas 3 (1997) My very favorite!
1. "I Saw Three Ships" - Sting
2. "Christmastime" - The Smashing Pumpkins
3. "Children, Go Where I Send Thee" - Natalie Merchant
4. "Santa Baby" - Rev Run & the Christmas All Stars featuring Mase, Puff Daddy, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Salt N' Pepa, Onyx & Keith Murray
5. "Oi to the World" - No Doubt
6. "Blue Christmas" - Sheryl Crow
7. "Christmas" - Blues Traveler
8. "Oíche Chiún (Silent Night)" - Enya
9. "The Christmas Song" - Hootie & the Blowfish
10. "Ave Maria" - Chris Cornell with Eleven
11. "Christmas in the City" - Mary J. Blige featuring Angie Martinez
12. "Santa Claus Is Back in Town" - Jonny Lang
13. "Christmas Song" - Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds
14. "Christmas Is Now Drawing Near At Hand" - Steve Winwood
15. "O Holy Night" - Tracy Chapman
16. "We Three Kings" - Patti Smith
Maybe because I am a child of the 90s, but No Doubt, Blues Traveler, Hootie and the Blowfish, Chris Cornell, Dave Matthews, and Salt N' Pepa and Snoop Doggy Dogg?? Ack! It's like heavenly angels have descended on earth to sing to me personally! Hark! The herald angels sing! To me! And only me! Chris Cornell's "Ave Maria" is my favorite version in the whole wide world. I will admit, at times I have skipped over Enya, Steve Winwood and Patti Smith. But the CD is, overall, the greatest thing to ever happen to my life besides successfully taking my first breath out of the womb.
After this came A Very Special Christmas Live (1999). I ruefully do not own this, but it has been added to my Amazon wishlist. It's essentially a whole boatload of awesome, so I'm not going to list the tracklist here. Just google it if you're that curious, geez!
A Very Special Christmas 5 (2001)
1. "This Christmas (Hang All the Mistletoe)" - Macy Gray
2. "Little Drummer Boy/Hot Hot Hot" - Wyclef Jean
3. "Noel! Noel!" - Eve 6
4. "Blue Christmas" - Jon Bon Jovi
5. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Stevie Wonder & Wyclef Jean
6. "O Come All Ye Faithful" - City High
7. "Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You" - SR-71
8. "Christmas Day" - Dido
9. "Run Rudolph Run" - Sheryl Crow
10. "Back Door Santa" - B.B. King & John Popper
11. "Little Red Rooster" - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
12. "Christmas Don't Be Late (Chipmunk Song)" - Powder
13. "Silent Night" - Stevie Nicks
14. "I Love You More" - Stevie Wonder & Kimberly Brewer
15. "White Christmas" - Darlene Love
Again, this was a great album. It took a little longer to grow on me. I wasn't sure how I felt about SR-71's song, but let me tell you, I love it to tiny little bits and pieces now. I think I usually skip Dido on this. I'm just not a huge fan. Sorry, Dido!
Next in the series was A Very Special Acoustic Christmas (2003). I do not own it, nor do I plan to. It's essentially a country music album. Country music and I don't get along ever since I cheated on her and backed over her bloodhound with my beat-up pick-up truck.
Finally? The most recent installation: A Very Special Christmas 7 (2009)
1. "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" - Colbie Caillat
2. "Let It Snow" - Carter Twins
3. "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" - Miley Cyrus
4. "Winter Wonderland" - Vanessa Hudgens
5. "Little Drummer Boy" - Sean Kingston
6. "The Christmas Song" - Charice
7. "Do You Hear What I Hear" - Kristinia Debarge
8. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Mitchel Musso
9. "Cristmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - Leighton Meester
10. "Santa Baby" - Kellie Pickler
11. "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" - Carrie Underwood
12. "Last Christmas" - Ashley Tisdale
13. "Silent Night" - Gloriana
To start: Who are these people? Am I really that old? It got me curious, so, since I do not own it, I went to Amazon to "listen to samples." I thought, "Well, just because you have no idea who most of these names are, doesn't mean this isn't a bitchin' compilation."
Eh. I was pretty much wrong. Though, that may be because they were trying to aim for a younger crowd, so I got a little boxed out. Which is cool. I'm just not going to purchase this CD. Here are some thoughts (keep in mind I only listened to "samples" which means about 30 seconds of each song):
I know there is a limited number of classic Christmas tunes, and trying to write a new one is like holiday suicide, but Sean Kingston, I'm terribly sorry. Your "Little Drummer Boy" rendition will NEVER live up to Wyclef Jean's. I see what you tried to do - add some funk and spice it up. But it's been spiced. Haitian style.
I don't know who Leighton Meester is, but her song was my favorite off this album. Actually, Carrie Underwood's song was pretty good too. So was Gloriana's, though, again, I have no idea who they are.
Kellie Pickler, why are you trying to do Madonna's "Santa Baby"? I know, it's a Christmas standard, but you aren't Madonna (and thank goodness for that!). So make it your own, baby girl! I just wikipedia-ed her and she's older then me. Sorry for the "baby girl," Kellie!
If I could create my very own A Very Special Christmas...oh the possibilities! I think it'd have to go a little something like this:
A Very Special Christmas 8
1.P!nk - "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
2. Paramore - "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
3. Maroon 5 - "The Christmas Song" (or maybe Backdoor Santa? Adam Levine's pretty saucy)
4. Usher - "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
5. John Mayer - "Blue Christmas" (he could blues that ish up big time! ooh, or "Merry Christmas Baby")
6. Katy Perry - "Santa Baby"
7. Beyonce - "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman"
8. Miranda Lambert - "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" (or "Blue Christmas")
9. Shakira - "Feliz Navidad" (is that stereotyping?)
10. Black Eyed Peas - "Carol of the Peas" (haha! get it! Okay, I don't really know what they'd sing. Maybe they could amp it up and also add their own twist, like when Rev Run & the Christmas All Stars re-did "Santa Baby." Ya dig?)
11. Adele - "O Holy Night"
12. Fiona Apple - "Silent Night"
13. Train - "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"
14. Sara Bareilles - "I'll Be Home for Christmas"
15. Cake - "Jingle Bell Rock"
The songs I've chosen are mere suggestions. I haven't even considered order, though this seems fine to me. I almost feel like the artists have to pick their songs for themselves (as long as their aren't repeats - then they can battle it out Celebrity Deathmatch style) so that they get that much more into it. This Fantasy Christmas Album Team could change at any time. It took me all day, all-freaking-day, to come up with it, so my brain has kind of detereorated into yesterday's figgy pudding. Still, I'm pretty pleased with this. A Very Special Christmas, this is my gift to you. Now, please get on this posthaste. I've got a lot of listenin' to do once you've made it.
Happy December 1st, everyone!!
First, let me tell you, you haven't heard Christmas music until you hear these albums. At least the first 3, for sure, but we'll get to that later. Let's start at the beginning...
A Very Special Christmas (1987) Clearly it must be good, everything made that year was perfection. Ahem...
If the fact that the CDs were created in order to benefit the Special Olympics, and that the cover art was designed by Keith Haring doesn't convince you of it's epicness, then take a gander below. The track listing goes a little somthing like this:
1. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" - The Pointer Sisters
2. "Winter Wonderland" - Eurythmics
3. "Do You Hear What I Hear?" - Whitney Houston
4. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
5. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" - The Pretenders
6. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - John Cougar Mellencamp
7. "Gabriel's Message" - Sting
8. "Christmas in Hollis" - Run–D.M.C.
9. "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - U2
10. "Santa Baby" - Madonna
11. "The Little Drummer Boy" - Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
12. "Run Rudolph Run" - Bryan Adams
13. "Back Door Santa" - Bon Jovi
14. "The Coventry Carol" - Alison Moyet
15. "Silent Night" - Stevie Nicks
I don't think any more needs to be said. This line up is killer. And I don't even like Bon Jovi, so that's really saying something.
A Very Special Christmas 2 (1992)
1. "Christmas All Over Again" - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Randy Travis
3. "The Christmas Song" - Luther Vandross
4. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" - Frank Sinatra/Cyndi Lauper
5. "The Birth of Christ" - Boyz II Men
6. "Please Come Home for Christmas" - Jon Bon Jovi
7. "What Christmas Means to Me" - Paul Young
8. "O Christmas Tree" - Aretha Franklin
9. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - Ronnie Spector/Darlene Love
10. "White Christmas" - Michael Bolton
11. "Christmas Is" - Run–D.M.C.
12. "Christmas Time Again" - Extreme
13. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Bonnie Raitt and Charles Brown
14. "O Holy Night" - Tevin Campbell
15. "Sleigh Ride" - Debbie Gibson
16. "What Child Is This?" - Vanessa Williams
17. "Blue Christmas" - Ann & Nancy Wilson
18. "Silent Night" - Wilson Phillips
19. "I Believe in You" - Sinéad O'Connor
Ok, so after copy-pasting the track listing, I suddenly realized...I don't think we have this one! This is wrong and must be righted immediately! Or, if we do own it, I need to listen to it on replay until it's ingrained on my mind and heart permanently, like sharpie on a drunken, passed-out frat boy.
A Very Special Christmas 3 (1997) My very favorite!
1. "I Saw Three Ships" - Sting
2. "Christmastime" - The Smashing Pumpkins
3. "Children, Go Where I Send Thee" - Natalie Merchant
4. "Santa Baby" - Rev Run & the Christmas All Stars featuring Mase, Puff Daddy, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Salt N' Pepa, Onyx & Keith Murray
5. "Oi to the World" - No Doubt
6. "Blue Christmas" - Sheryl Crow
7. "Christmas" - Blues Traveler
8. "Oíche Chiún (Silent Night)" - Enya
9. "The Christmas Song" - Hootie & the Blowfish
10. "Ave Maria" - Chris Cornell with Eleven
11. "Christmas in the City" - Mary J. Blige featuring Angie Martinez
12. "Santa Claus Is Back in Town" - Jonny Lang
13. "Christmas Song" - Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds
14. "Christmas Is Now Drawing Near At Hand" - Steve Winwood
15. "O Holy Night" - Tracy Chapman
16. "We Three Kings" - Patti Smith
Maybe because I am a child of the 90s, but No Doubt, Blues Traveler, Hootie and the Blowfish, Chris Cornell, Dave Matthews, and Salt N' Pepa and Snoop Doggy Dogg?? Ack! It's like heavenly angels have descended on earth to sing to me personally! Hark! The herald angels sing! To me! And only me! Chris Cornell's "Ave Maria" is my favorite version in the whole wide world. I will admit, at times I have skipped over Enya, Steve Winwood and Patti Smith. But the CD is, overall, the greatest thing to ever happen to my life besides successfully taking my first breath out of the womb.
After this came A Very Special Christmas Live (1999). I ruefully do not own this, but it has been added to my Amazon wishlist. It's essentially a whole boatload of awesome, so I'm not going to list the tracklist here. Just google it if you're that curious, geez!
A Very Special Christmas 5 (2001)
1. "This Christmas (Hang All the Mistletoe)" - Macy Gray
2. "Little Drummer Boy/Hot Hot Hot" - Wyclef Jean
3. "Noel! Noel!" - Eve 6
4. "Blue Christmas" - Jon Bon Jovi
5. "Merry Christmas Baby" - Stevie Wonder & Wyclef Jean
6. "O Come All Ye Faithful" - City High
7. "Christmas Is the Time to Say I Love You" - SR-71
8. "Christmas Day" - Dido
9. "Run Rudolph Run" - Sheryl Crow
10. "Back Door Santa" - B.B. King & John Popper
11. "Little Red Rooster" - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
12. "Christmas Don't Be Late (Chipmunk Song)" - Powder
13. "Silent Night" - Stevie Nicks
14. "I Love You More" - Stevie Wonder & Kimberly Brewer
15. "White Christmas" - Darlene Love
Again, this was a great album. It took a little longer to grow on me. I wasn't sure how I felt about SR-71's song, but let me tell you, I love it to tiny little bits and pieces now. I think I usually skip Dido on this. I'm just not a huge fan. Sorry, Dido!
Next in the series was A Very Special Acoustic Christmas (2003). I do not own it, nor do I plan to. It's essentially a country music album. Country music and I don't get along ever since I cheated on her and backed over her bloodhound with my beat-up pick-up truck.
Finally? The most recent installation: A Very Special Christmas 7 (2009)
1. "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" - Colbie Caillat
2. "Let It Snow" - Carter Twins
3. "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" - Miley Cyrus
4. "Winter Wonderland" - Vanessa Hudgens
5. "Little Drummer Boy" - Sean Kingston
6. "The Christmas Song" - Charice
7. "Do You Hear What I Hear" - Kristinia Debarge
8. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Mitchel Musso
9. "Cristmas (Baby Please Come Home)" - Leighton Meester
10. "Santa Baby" - Kellie Pickler
11. "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" - Carrie Underwood
12. "Last Christmas" - Ashley Tisdale
13. "Silent Night" - Gloriana
To start: Who are these people? Am I really that old? It got me curious, so, since I do not own it, I went to Amazon to "listen to samples." I thought, "Well, just because you have no idea who most of these names are, doesn't mean this isn't a bitchin' compilation."
Eh. I was pretty much wrong. Though, that may be because they were trying to aim for a younger crowd, so I got a little boxed out. Which is cool. I'm just not going to purchase this CD. Here are some thoughts (keep in mind I only listened to "samples" which means about 30 seconds of each song):
I know there is a limited number of classic Christmas tunes, and trying to write a new one is like holiday suicide, but Sean Kingston, I'm terribly sorry. Your "Little Drummer Boy" rendition will NEVER live up to Wyclef Jean's. I see what you tried to do - add some funk and spice it up. But it's been spiced. Haitian style.
I don't know who Leighton Meester is, but her song was my favorite off this album. Actually, Carrie Underwood's song was pretty good too. So was Gloriana's, though, again, I have no idea who they are.
Kellie Pickler, why are you trying to do Madonna's "Santa Baby"? I know, it's a Christmas standard, but you aren't Madonna (and thank goodness for that!). So make it your own, baby girl! I just wikipedia-ed her and she's older then me. Sorry for the "baby girl," Kellie!
If I could create my very own A Very Special Christmas...oh the possibilities! I think it'd have to go a little something like this:
A Very Special Christmas 8
1.P!nk - "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
2. Paramore - "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
3. Maroon 5 - "The Christmas Song" (or maybe Backdoor Santa? Adam Levine's pretty saucy)
4. Usher - "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
5. John Mayer - "Blue Christmas" (he could blues that ish up big time! ooh, or "Merry Christmas Baby")
6. Katy Perry - "Santa Baby"
7. Beyonce - "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman"
8. Miranda Lambert - "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" (or "Blue Christmas")
9. Shakira - "Feliz Navidad" (is that stereotyping?)
10. Black Eyed Peas - "Carol of the Peas" (haha! get it! Okay, I don't really know what they'd sing. Maybe they could amp it up and also add their own twist, like when Rev Run & the Christmas All Stars re-did "Santa Baby." Ya dig?)
11. Adele - "O Holy Night"
12. Fiona Apple - "Silent Night"
13. Train - "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"
14. Sara Bareilles - "I'll Be Home for Christmas"
15. Cake - "Jingle Bell Rock"
The songs I've chosen are mere suggestions. I haven't even considered order, though this seems fine to me. I almost feel like the artists have to pick their songs for themselves (as long as their aren't repeats - then they can battle it out Celebrity Deathmatch style) so that they get that much more into it. This Fantasy Christmas Album Team could change at any time. It took me all day, all-freaking-day, to come up with it, so my brain has kind of detereorated into yesterday's figgy pudding. Still, I'm pretty pleased with this. A Very Special Christmas, this is my gift to you. Now, please get on this posthaste. I've got a lot of listenin' to do once you've made it.
Happy December 1st, everyone!!
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