Monotony is the Mind Killer

Yesterday I had this idea for a post but, unfortunately, ran out of time to execute it.

So today, we're going to give it another try.

I stared this blog a year and one month minus four days ago. In my first post I discussed my need and desire for a new job. Well, one year and one month minus four days later, I am still sitting in the same chair and at the same desk as I did one year and one month minus four days ago. Needless to say my plan was wildly successful uneventful.

I oscillated between planning to take a few photojournalism classes at a local state school, dedicating myself to the pursuit of cake decorating, becoming a flight attendant, going to grad school, breaking into voice acting, opening an Etsy store and selling handmade goods, and several other well-intended but clearly short-lived pursuits.

As much as I want to break free of corporate America, I still have bills to pay. Student loans, actually. Loans that paid for an education supposedly preparing me for the real world, providing me with the ability to get a job that would make paying my loans back easy and, if nothing else, bearable.

This desk job is my only source of income. To leave without some idea of what direction I am headed would be foolish. Off and on in the last thirteen (minus four days) months I have entered information into job search engines, only to find more mundane work. That, or jobs that I don't want, and am also nowhere near qualified for. It's stagnant and it's boring. It's also disheartening.

Recently I read of a way to determine what you should do with your life. The idea is, you sit down and write (or type) out all of the possible vocations you could pursue. When you finally hit one that makes you cry - BINGO! That is what you should do.

Admittedly, I haven't tried this yet. I should, and I may yet. To me, in this moment, what I should do is vague. It's nameless. It's several descriptions of things I like and things I do not like. Lists of likes and dislikes. But there is no umbrella term to describe what it is, or if it is even something I could make a living doing.

I may, in some ways, sound lazy. The long lulls between job searching, not getting myself out there, or committing to a path and digging in and really working for it. I 'spose it is. I certainly thought so for a while. That maybe I've become too content with the familiarity of the job I hate, but at least know. This scares me. It terrifies me. I want more. I know that with every fiber of my being. It's just a struggle to figure out what "more" is.

I came to realize that had any of these paths truly sparked a fire in me...I would have pursued them. But they didn't and so I didn't. So I've let things rest. I'm not saying that has been the best course of (non) action. It's just what I have been (not) doing.

Yesterday, I tried doing another job search. This time it was on Idealist.org.

Nothing jumped out at me. Despite not being the biggest lover of people (more, I am an introvert as opposed to being an extrovert who can strike up a conversation with anyone, social interaction can be a strain for me), or having the highest level of patience, it can be strange to hear myself say "I want to help people." The thing is, though, that I do. I want to make a difference.

I taught at a summer camp once, and quickly decided that teaching wasn't for me. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the kids I worked with, it was far more stressful than rewarding and fulfilling. So, teaching's out.

Anyway, after my search on idealist.org, I came upon Servenet.org. I ran another search (I think just by location), and saw a lot of the same. Most things just didn't have that pull for me. Until I saw a listing for Teenvoices.com.

Let me show you their straight-forward, no-frills mission statement:

Our Mission


Teen Voices supports and educates teen girls to amplify their voices and create social change through media.

I went to look under their websites "Get Involved" section to see if they had any job positions available. Alas! They did not! And though one can volunteer (which I'd love to do), the opportunities to do so take place Mon-Fri from 9am-6pm. I work full time about an hour away from them. I assume the same would be true for their internship opportunities. I never participated in an internship in college, and I now wish whole-heartedly I had known of this magazine, and had been able to intern for them. I do, however, plan to keep my eyes peeled for an opportunity to volunteer or for any paid positions that may open up.

I continued to look at the descriptions of various volunteer/internship opportunities that they offer, and found one that more than piqued my interest:

Art Editor

Are you an artist or art historian who's interested in magazine publishing? Gain experience by working with our Editor-in-Chief to recruit art by teen artists for Teen Voices magazine, work with local organizations to engage local teen artists, manage incoming art submissions, maintain database of art submissions and artists, and more as needed.

 
Really? Jobs like that exist? That...that's a thing?? I suddenly felt excited again. How perfect does that sound?? Of course I can't know what the position would actually entail, but it immediately excited me. And that made me feel good. In a sea of corporate, dead-end job listings on the internet, I actually found something that excited me! Something I thought, without hesitation or doubt "I could do that! I would enjoy doing that!" Which, sadly, has been a very elusive feeling.
 
It also reminded me of something. Of being a senior in high school and writing college entrance essays. I wrote about wanting to make a difference to a specific group of people. To young girls. I remember witnessing friends go through some very trying things and wishing there was some way to be a positive influence through all the negativity that seems to surround our world.
 

Our Vision


Teen Voices envisions a world of equality and opportunity for all girls, in which we are a premier center for positive teen girl-produced media. With the support of an intergenerational network, we provide a space for girls to become competent, confident, and courageous leaders for change.

This is the sort of difference I had imagined in high school, but just didn't know existed. This is a positive force for young women. And the best part? It's creative.

Oh how I've yearned for something creative to do! Sitting at a desk doing various forms of data entry is not creative. There are only so many ways you can phrase a comment, "Made call out to..." "Outbound call made to..." "Called out about..." (and more often, with specific information, there is only one way).

If it isn't already known, I was a studio art major in college. I attended a small, private, Catholic college, that didn't exactly have the greatest art program. I originally went there for English, and soon realized I hated writing papers. And while my professors were fantastic and absolutely amazing in a plethora of ways, we were limited by supplies, facilities and thusly, in course selection. I suppose I should've transferred, but I was happy where I was.

So, a job that was creative and was also making a positive difference in the world of young girls?? It felt like bells went off...in my gut.

If that were an open (and yes, paid) position, I would, without hesitation, leave the job I have now in order to pursue it. Seriously. I don't even think I'd mind the hour plus commute.

Faced with the reality that it isn't, I will stay where I am for now. I will keep searching (if only there existed some sort of neatly packaged search engine for this kind of job!). And I will feel a little more relieved that, perhaps, I have taken one step closer in the right direction.

Hope exists. And it only took me a year and one month minus four days (and one novelle of a blog post) to realize it.