For Your Enjoyment: Impending Doom

Tomorrow is a very big day. It's practically obese it's so big. My beautiful, intelligent, humorous, sassy friend, Wife, is getting married!! (ed note: I call her 'Wife" not because of her upcoming nuptials, but, long story short, because I once promised to marry her on 11/11/11.)

It's a truly momentous occasion! And really flippin' weird! She'll be the first of my friends to wed. It freaks me the heck out, but only in the happiest, most supportive of ways.

This day would be immense enough on it's own, were it not for one teensy, tiny, what-were-you-thinking, the-universe-must-really-hate-me, reason. The groom, English (so called due to a certain two year old's inability to properly pronounce his name), just so happens to have a younger brother...that I may or may not have dated for five and a half months, right up until I was unceremoniously dumped...on his birthday. Needless to say, after not having to see or interact with him for a year, I am not very enthusiastic about seeing him, or his new girlfriend. But, thankfully, my dear friend India (she spent a year teaching in India. It was either that or something inappropriately referencing her rather voluptious chest) will be accompanying me to this event! Her mission, as she chose to accept it, is to keep me distracted, and put togehter at all times, by whatever means necessary. She will be my glue and I will be her popsicle stick art.

Still, it doesn't take Miss Cleo to figure out I'm in for a bumpy ride. I am sure there will be many an awkward moment, punctuated by potentially humiliating word vomit and emotional sewage.

I may have patched the leak and repaired the water damage, but even the most well-mended may break when tested by pressure for the first time after being busted. And I'm not one to call a plumber either; I'm real a DIY-er. Well, unless you count electrical tape, a wrench, piping, and caulk. They helped me more than they even know. Because...they're...inanimate objects? Uh, I fear this analogy has gone too far. It's so convluted it could even be likened to a clogged drain. Am I right, or am I right, eh? Ahem. We might need roto-rooter for this one...badum-ch!

Anyway, folks, stay tuned! Sh*t's about to get real!