Piece by puzzling piece

I think I am slowly hatching a plan. This is not just any plan, mind you. This is a LIFE plan. I know, I never thought I'd see the day either! Oh, excitement, it is upon us!

I do realize this "life plan" isn't a "forever" plan. I remember seeing that Nia Vardalos movie, My Life in Ruins, and the hott Greek man saying something like, "Life plan? How do you plan for life?" Very valid point, Mr. Hott-Greek-Man. I commend you. How do you plan for life?

Life is constantly changing, and so am I. What I choose to do now with my life may change, even before I begin to realize it myself. Which generally seems to be the case. I think we all are a little behind the curve of life's changes. But, still, my essential attack plan for my recent-future is as follows: take courses in journalism/photography at a local state school to see if it's a true interest of mine, and then, potentially, move on to grad school...or new classes to test my next big interest.

Yes, it is somewhat vague and open, but I hate being tied down. I refuse to jump into grad school, an expenisve undertaking for sure (I think at this point paying in a pound of my own flesh would be cheaper and actually easier), when I am just not sure that this is, definitively, what I want to do with my recent-future life. It's perposterous to me that some people have knowingly done so, even in their self-understood uncertainty. Yes, the job market is like the proverbial hay stack and finding an actual, fulfilling job is the needle. I understand the terror in that. College was supposed to prepare us for the "real world," and make us attractive potential-employees. As I recall it, pre-college, I thought upon completing my degree there'd fist fights and businesses competing fervently over who wanted to hire me.

Alright...that was a bit overstated and completely dramatic, but essentially, I thought it'd be a breeze when it's almost exactly the opposite. It's people fighting for the jobs, and many that have been laid off are applying for and winning whatever low-rung jobs are actually available because they are way over-qualified for the positions. Luckily for me I had been temping on-and-off for a company that took me back under their protective wing once I graduated. I am faced, however, with the possibility of losing my cushy, if not mind-numbing, temporary position if the company is bought out, which is likely. Right now the company is on the chopping block, and, in favor of keeping the head and company jewels, we're about to lose some limbs. So the bleak outlook is not lost on me. Though, as I mentioned, I am not going to go to grad school as my last, extremely expensive, resort.

I am kind of excited, though! And nervous as hell. Money is tight. I've never been much of an over-achiever, and getting a part-time job for more money makes me squirm. Do not get me wrong, I am all about doing a job and doing it the best it can be done! However, I do not sacrifice my down time...a job is a job, it is not a life. I need my down time to keep my sanity. So a second job really is the last of the last resorts for me. Heck, I will "donate" (is it really donating if they pay you?) my eggs before I have to have another job on top of my 40 hour work week!

I understand photojournalism, if I do find this is what I want to do/pursue, isn't necessarily a big bread winner, especially just starting out. But I do love/miss taking photos, and despite my horrible grammar and spelling, oh, an lack of structure, I do enjoy writing too. Of course I have lofty dreams of success and being more of a travel photographer, going wherever I want, whenever I want, photographing what I see and what I experience. This is pretty unrealistic, and I know that. But shootin' high's better than not shootin' at all.

And, uh, if you're reading this and work for the Travel Channel, call me...

It could always be worse...

There are certain times in your life that are a bit more tumultuous than others. I have been blessed with such a time at just this very moment...err, timespan...

As it happens, just last week I broke up with my boyfriend. All around, this was a good choice. I hadn't been really happy for the duration of our, albeit short-lived, relationship. I never truly was myself because I felt like he did not and would not like the real me. I had already found he felt me to be too "goofy," which is unfortunate, because it is true. Well, it's true in that I am the biggest goofball you may ever happen to meet, but not true in that I do not think it is even slightly possible to be "too goofy." If Goldilocks were looking for a goof, I would be her "just right!"

This, essentially, is why I had to end our relationship. I do feel bad if I cause him any sort of upset, but a girl's gotta look out for her best interest, and by gove, I know I did!
However, he has not made it very easy. With continued contact, and sob stories (a.k.a. excuses), detailing that he 'isn't always like this,' it has been very emotional. I do know I did what was best, but that doesn't really make it any easier.

Then, when driving home this past, most beautiful, Friday...my timing belt broke in my car...at an exceedingly busy stop light. Thank goodness a random stranger stopped and helped me move my car safely to the side of the road (i.e. he did it for me)! Now I am car-less, and staying with my parents so I can still somehow get to and from work. It is essential that I successfully generate a pay check, so that I may pay my mechanic for fixing this beast. Who needs to eat anyway? Am I right, or am I right?

THEN, as I am now staying at my parents, I took the opportunity to launder my filthy clothing. I had, I will point out, been missing my Ipod for several days...despite this I neglected, even after hearing my mothers voice inside my head to "always check your pockets before doing laundry," to look and empty out the contents of any and all of my pockets...as such I laundered not only my clothing (for free!) but also my recently-lost-but-now-found Ipod (for free!).

I had, ahem, what one may call a bit of a, well, just a tiny little, insignificant break down. The floodgates opened and I cried, and I cried, and it was, I must say, a wonderful realease. I think I may have to investigating doing this more often...

It didn't help that I had just paid rent either. The impending doom of absolutely-not-even-remotely-inexpensive car repairs had me on edge, but then putting absolutely-not-even-remotely-inexpensive technological equipment through the ringer and probably (though I am still holding out hope of survival) killing it dead, and having a recently diminished bank account on top of it all, just sort of...piled up, like the excremental situations they truly are.

This all reminds me of how I kicked off this year...I spent New Years Eve with two friends in NY ou at a local bar. After we rang in the new year with style, class, and chicken wings, we were more than ready to head back to our hotel room. However...we tried calling for a cab, and were told it would be at LEAST an hour until one was able to respond to us. We had a bit of a cab debacle when trying to get our party started initially that evening, and we were afraid such cab treachery (some people stole our cab!) would happen again, and we were not in the mood. We had heard about the 'Alert Cab' program, and seen signs in the bar/club/saloon we were in, telling us to ask our bartenders about the program (which was a free cab for those people who had been drinking, and wanted to make the responsible decision NOT to drive home!). However, our bartenders had NO idea what we were talking about, despite the signs plastered all over their establishment. Harrumph.

Despite our better judgement, we set out on our journey! In the snow. Nay, in heels in the snow! And we walked the mile, uphill, to our hotel. We were exhausted (understandably) and made this our motto: It could always be worse! We decided that if we could make it through that, then we could handle whatever the rest of the year had to throw at us...

So, after the emotional rollercoaster ride gone rogue that I've had the misfortune of being strapped securely into the last 2.5 months, I am, of course, reminded of our motto. And it sure could be worse. But remember universe, that's just a saying, it is not, in fact, an invitation...